Kommunist Kitchen

Happy Birthday Babyface

Cake decorations, balloons, confetti and other imperialist titbits available from Ocado - the least capitalist of supermarkets.

Today is Babyface’s birthday, so we’re celebrating with some ultimate chocolate cake, balloons, and Mavis Staples on the stereo. Revolutionary stuff.

Birthdays are sometimes bourgeois, but not on this particular occasion.

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Baking for Two

Carrot Muffins

Babyface’s mother – Mommaface – was kind enough to give me some lovely new baking equipment as a present, so I’ve put it to good use here with muffins and a cake based on my Gender Inclusive Carrot Cake.

The cake was in the oven for 50 minutes, but the muffins take just 35 minutes – which just happens to be the length of our newly-released LP, At Ebbw Vale. Tasty.

Dai Nasty’s Fine Dai-ning: Gazpacho a la Gramsci


With the nights drawing in Mrs Nasty and I like to tuck into this classic Spanish cold soup to remind us of summer. There are many recipes out there but this is my favourite and it’s also the most left-wing:

 

  • 1kg ripe tomatoes, diced
  • 2 ripe red peppers (roast them first under a hot grill and remove the blackened skins)
  • 1 large cucumber, diced
  • 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed (like the proletariat under the iron jackboot of the Cameron/Clegg junta)
  • 150ml extra virgin olive oil
  • 2tbsp sherry vinegar
  • Salt and pepper

 

Put the above in a blender and blend until smooth, then adjust the salt, pepper and vinegar to taste and stir well. Finally, chill the gazpatcho in the fridge. Serve cold.

Marxist Muffins

Muffins are the ideal on-the-go fast food for today’s busy Marxist. I’ve made these using blueberries – the hardest working berry. Apparently, blueberries have been said to be beneficial in the prevention of cancer, hepatitis C, Alzheimer’s disease, strokes, heart disease, urinary infections, depression, and Capitalism. They also taste damn good.

With thanks to the guild for the generous birthday presents which contributed to these muffiny delights: KitchenAid blender and muffin tray in non-sexist pink from Babyface, and gender-inclusive ladybird kitchen timer from Billy Brentford. Thank you, brothers!

Ingredients

  • 4 oz sugar
  • 4 oz butter
  • 2 free-range organic eggs (size medium, so they don’t hurt the hens’ little bottoms)
  • 4 oz wholemeal flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 2 teaspoons nutmeg
  • plenty of blueberries, fresh or frozen

These quantities make around 10 muffins.

  • Cream the butter and sugar together then slowly add the eggs. Mix for three minutes.
  • Add the flour, baking powder, nutmeg, stir to combine, then refrigerate for at least an hour, preferably overnight. These muffins, like the Revolution, are worth waiting for.
  • Place a spoonful of muffin mixture into each muffin case, filling each to just over half way.
  • Press at least eight blueberries into each muffin, then bake at 200oC for 20 minutes, or until golden on top.
  • Share.


Gender-inclusive Carrot Cake

Carrot Cake

You may have seen my recent post about my distaste for women in the media who reinforce phallocentric gender stereotypes through an affected over-excitement for cakes. That is of course not to say that I have anything against cakes per se: indeed, the process of lovingly labouring to create, bake and decorate a cake to be enjoyed by the masses is at the heart of any good Marxist’s home economy. All members of Thee Faction enjoy their cake-making, and Babyface in particular has been described as a bit of a master baker in his time. It just so happens, that on this occasion, the female of the band made this lovely carrot cake, and Babyface did the washing up.

Ingredients 1

  • 12½ oz carrots, grated
  • 2 oz pecans, chopped
  • 4 oz self-raising wholemeal flour
  • 4 oz plain wholemeal flour
  • 3 teaspoons of cinnamon
  • 2 teaspoons ground ginger
  • 1 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
  • 8 fl oz vegetable oil
  • 6 oz soft brown sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons golden syrup

For the icing:

  • 7 oz mascapone cheese
  • 2 oz sifted icing sugar
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla essence
  • decorations of your choice

These quantities make a 9” round cake.

  • Sieve together the self-raising flour and the plain flour with the cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and bicarbonate of soda. (Tip the bran bits left in the sieve into the mixture.)
  • In a separate bowl, whisk together the oil, sugar, eggs, and syrup. (Heat the spoon first and the syrup will slide off easily.
  • Add this to the dry ingredients and mix until it’s nice and smooth. Stir in the carrots and pecans.
  • Tip the mixture into a greased, lined tin and cook at 160oC for an hour, or until cooked.
  • For the topping, mix the mascapone, icing sugar, and vanilla essence until smooth.
  • Allow the cake to cool and then add the topping. Decorate in a manner condusive to equality for all. Here, I’ve chosen halved pecans.

1 Loathe as I am to dictate measurements, accuracy of proportion is of course key to the success of a good cake. In this case, I have reclaimed ‘Imperial’ measurements from the Imperialist classes for the use of this system-bashing cake.

Ebbw Vale Lamb One-Pot Kurry

kurry

Multi-pot curries are bourgeois. Free your meal from an elitist saucepan hegemony, and save time on washing up. Win-win.

Ingredients

  • Onions, chopped
  • Garlic, crushed
  • Chillis, chopped
  • Garam Masala
  • Chilli powder
  • Crushed chillis
  • Ground cumin
  • Cardamom pods
  • Curry powder
  • Chestnut mushrooms, halved
  • Leftover roast shoulder of Ebbw Vale lamb, diced
  • Basmati rice
  • Canned tomatoes
  • Mango chutney
  • Stock, preferably homemade from the bones of the lamb
  • Measurements: each according to their need.
    Serves: the people.

  • Take one large heavy-based pot and prepare it for some thoroughly dignified labour.
  • Fry the onion, garlic, and chilli in plenty of oil, until the onion is translucent.
  • Add the powders and the mushrooms, and fry some more, until the air of your kitchen is thick with spicy fog.
  • Add the lamb and the rice, and stir vigorously. Add the tomatoes, chutney and stock.
  • Put a lid on the pan, and leave to simmer, stirring occasionally, until the rice is cooked, or the proletariat unites and throws off the yoke of the bourgeoisie – whichever comes first.
  • The Frittata of Social Inclusion

    Frittata

    The members of Thee Faction have differing views on many things: the Situationist International; Entryism; and the eating of flesh. Dai Nasty and Billy Brentford are both strident vegetarians who would not dream of harming their fellow creatures, whereas the rest of us feel no shame in rewarding our hard-working bodies with succulent meals of tasty free-range meat.

    This frittata brings us together on this pertinent issue, as it can be prepared with or without bacon, ensuring that everyone is included.

    Ingredients

  • Chopped onions
  • Chopped celery
  • Crushed garlic
  • Chopped chillis
  • Sliced bacon (optional)
  • Chopped red pepper
  • Sliced mushrooms
  • Fresh parsley
  • Pre-boiled new potatoes
  • Eggs beaten with a splash of water
  • Raw spinach
  • Measurements: each according to their need.
    Serves: the people.

  • In a heavy-based, oven-proof frying pan, fry the onions, celery, garlic, chilli, and (if using) bacon, for a little while.
  • Add the pepper, mushroom, and parsley, and fry some more.
  • Remove from the heat and add the potatoes, eggs and spinach. Stir, shake, or even flip the pan – which ever way you feel most appropriately ensures a healthy diversity within your pan.
  • Place the pan in a pre-heated oven at around 180C or mark 5 for around 25 minutes, or until the egg is properly set and the top of the frittata nicely browned.
  • Serve with a socially-inclusive salad.
  • Kassandra’s Kommunist Kitchen: Don Quixiovope’s Burritos

    Don Quixiovope fought alongside Che Guevara and Regis Debray in Bolivia, and was famed for running the chuck wagon of the revolution. Even when surrounded by the CIA and their traitorous Bolivian lackeys, Don Q was serving up the finest central and south American foodstuffs. Here’s one of his best.

    Ingredients
    Chopped onions
    Crushed garlic
    Chopped chillis
    Chopped celery
    Hot chilli powder
    Dried crushed chillis
    Cumin powder
    Mixed herbs
    Mustard powder
    Lean minced beef
    Halved mushrooms
    Canned chopped tomatoes
    Sugar
    Worcestershire sauce
    Kidney beans
    Flour tortillas
    Grated mozzerella

    Measurements: each according to their need.
    Serves: the people.

  • Fry the onion, garlic, chilli and celery on a low heat until soft and translucent.
  • Add the herbs and spices, then the beef and mushrooms. Fry until brown.
  • Add the tomatoes, sugar, Worcestershire sauce and kidney beans. Simmer until it has the consistency of the blood of the bourgeoisie.
  • Spoon into tortillas and roll them up (no licking of edges required). Lay them side by side in an ovenproof dish, and cover liberally with cheese.
  • Brown under a medium grill until ready. Serve with sour cream, guacamole, and your salsa of choice. Enjoy.
  • Kassandra’s Kommunist Kitchen: Plum and Summer Fruit Krumble

    Plum Krumble

    What better way to show solidarity with our fairtrade fruit-farming brothers and sisters than by smothering the plummy fruits of their labour with a “liberal” layer of crumbley goodness.

    Ingredients
    Plums, halved and stones removed
    Sugar
    Mixed summer fruit (blackberries, blueberries, strawberries etc)
    Flour
    Butter
    Muesli (such as, but not limited to, Dorset Cereals’ ‘Berries and Cherries’)
    More sugar
    Cinnamon
    Ground ginger

    Measurements: each according to their need.
    Serves: the people.

  • Pre-heat the oven to 180C or gas mark 4.
  • Add the fruit to a medium-depth dish and sprinkle a nice heap of sugar over it.
  • Bake for 20 minutes, and set aside to cool.
  • Increase the oven temperature to 200C or gas mark 6
  • Rub the butter and flour together in a mixing bowl.
  • Add the muesli, cinnamon, ginger and sugar to the mixture. Get your hands right in there and mix them up. Don’t even think about putting them in a blender – blenders are the kitchen utensils of the bourgeois.
  • Pile your krumble over your fruit mixture and bake that beauty for 15 minutes.
  • Serve with custard or vanilla ice-cream and share widely.